March 4, 2019

Realistic Parenting Skills

By admin
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Even though we need a license to do many things in life—everything from driving and operating a forklift to practicing medicine and fishing—there is no license required when it comes to being a parent.

As we grow up we can’t wait to get married and have kids. That is what everyone does right? I was married at the age of 18, and had my first child when I was 21. We lived in a 3 room apartment trying to finish college.

We had 6 children in a short amount of time. One of our children a little boy, died just 16 hours after he was born.  I had many people come over and try to help, but that pain in your heart and arms is awful.  We had 2 kids at home which helps, but the sadness hangs on for a very long time.

I got pregnant again and in 2 months miscarried.  But then had the other 3 children came very close together. They say you should have your children while you are young, but if I had to do it again I would have spaced them out at least 2 years apart. 

(picture source)

Do any of us have parenting skills  when we start to raise our children?  As a parent we made many mistakes, but our wonderful kids all grew up and have great families, so we must have done something right. (Yes this is me and our beautiful children.)

Raising kids is hard especially if they are so close together. The diapers are never ending, and someone is crying, or hungry, or tired. But taking care of Foster Children with all they have been through is even harder. If your children do not have that bonding from birth it is very hard to learn to love as they get older. They just cannot trust.

We all need to be realistic as we raise our children. There may be some skills we learned  from our mothers, grandmas, friends, church members, and we should all listen to their advice. 

Good parenting is a blessing which involves nurturing a child in warmth of motherhood & love of fatherhood.  Being a successful  parent is not an  in-born quality it comes over period of time. Fundamentally, Good Parenting is just good old common sense. 

Raising kids is hard especially if they are so close together. Taking care of Foster Children with all they have been through is even harder. If your children do not have that bonding from birth it is very hard to learn to love as they get older. They just cannot trust.

Let me tell you about a foster boy we had in our home. He had been in 22 Foster Homes before he came to us. He had both legs broken and was burned with cigarette burns and kept in a closet. It took 4 caseworkers to bring him out and he ran in the door behind the couch and barked like a dog. 

I though oh my gosh what have I done??!!  With all the foster homes he had been in the stupid doctors had him on a very high dose of Ritalin. 

Well we adjusted that to a normal dose which helped some. This pain he had was very intense after what he had been through.  

For 16 years we tried to help him. Then he was very angry one day and beat up our daughter and he had to leave. (those pains were just too deep and would follow him for the rest of his life.) My heart was broken and he yelled as he left, “Mom how can you do this to me?” I cried!!  These kids get in your heart so deep, but my own children came first.

I always wondered what would happen to this young man and one day while I was in Fred Meyers I know he was standing in front of me. He would always have to be in a group home and hopefully be able to work at something. I did not say anything, because my prayers had been answered that I saw him again. 

To be a good parent understanding is the key element. Understanding your  children ’s needs, desires, expectation are an important part of parenting.

YOU HAVE TO LISTEN…. You’ll be amazed at what you will learn from and about your kids if you just listen. Children are like wet clay. They can mold in any shape, any form depends on their parents in which form they want to mold them.

Make a conscious decision to plug into your kid’s world. You can’t make assumptions about the critical choices that children have to make today because the world they are living in is different from the one you grew up in.

Pick your battles.  Forget arguing about little stuff, focus on the things that really matter — that means no hitting, rude talk, or lying.

A good parent always want what is best for their children. They are not necessarily their child’s best friend. They ask their children to help at home and be a part of the family team. 

We as parents always have  room to grow and learn, and we should always be working on bettering ourselves.

Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions:

Where is my child?

Who is with my child?

What is my child doing?

The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself.”

Check out this chart from the Early Childhood Educators group that lists the six most effective parenting habits. It’s free, and it’s easy to use. 

Spending time with your family goes hand in hand with parenting. How many times do we just say “Go find something to do!” Or in the summer “Just go outside and play!” As your  kids grow spending time with them builds memories that will last a lifetime. (Put your cellphone down) You will never get that back again.

One of the best stories I heard was from a football player who was being inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame. He shared an anecdote from his life when his father was playing with him and his brothers in the front yard.

It was raining, and their mother came out scolding them for tearing up the wet lawn. The father responded, “Honey, we’re raising boys, not grass!”

Young kids are like sponges, they notice everythingAs parents we are our children’s first role model. Pay attention to what you say or do around them and think about what kind of example you are making.

But Remember, You’re the Parent…Don’t be afraid to admit when you’re wrong or when you’ve made a mistake.

Show love to your children. Always tell them that you love them everyday. ( no matter how old they are)  Give them a kiss frequently. Always hug your children. Let your children know how special they are unto you. 

 Enjoy raising your children as much as you can. Someone said, “You get your kids for eighteen years, and then they’re gone.” That’s often true. Soak up the days and your kids when they’re little.
Talk Soon,


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