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What Values Have You Taught Your Children?

Defiant Child Behavior problems

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The term “family values” to many is practiced by the loving and caring of those we call core_values_01“family.” We love them, we protect them, and we breathe easy in the comfort of knowing that they would do the same for us. That is what children need to see and at that point, a value system is born. Teaching your children values will help them make good choices in their lives.

Parents have a difficult task when trying to successfully teach their kids values. When a newspaper columnist was asked to name the biggest obstacle parents face in training children, he responded: “Themselves.”

TEACHING KIDS VALUES REQUIRES A GOOD PARENTAL EXAMPLE

Parents who do not practice what they preach are working against their own interests and those of their children

Today’s world is ever changing and very fast paced. In years past children grew up in a small community or with just their families and their challenges were much different. As a parent your influence over your children has been diminished and so you need to try extra hard to instill good values in them.

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What are your values? Teaching values to our children must start with our selves. This is a very critical step and only you can determine what your values are. You naturally want your children to have integrity and a good character but what other values should we teach them? Let’s talk about some…..

Love: The first of the most important values in life I believe is love. It is an important personal value to open your mind to the concept of love. I don’t mean this in a fairy tale kind of way. That is not the only kind of love. The way in which you love your family, and friends, you can love everybody. Love is the bringer of compassion. Once, we are led by compassion, we see the best in others, while they see the best in us. We can have more faith in the world. This will help us to refrain from being suspicious, keeping us more at ease.

Honesty: It is another important value to have. Honesty does not only mean telling your parents when you goofed up. Or admitting to your partner that you made a big mistake. Honesty is admitting to yourself that you are not perfect. It means avoiding to make a mistake. An honest person will try his best to not goof up, but if he does, he will not only admit it, but will willingly accept the consequences. All the other values that are mentioned need to be accepted and followed with honesty. That is the only way in which they will affect your life for the better.

Courage: Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard, even when it means being called a “chicken” by others. A person with courage dares to attempt difficult things that are good. He has the strength of a leader and ability not to follow the crowd, to say no and mean it and influence others by it. He is true to conviction and follows good impulses even when they are unpopular or inconvenient.

Sharing: Teach your child to share what he has with those around. The value of sharing instilled earlier on in childhood will help him experience the joy of giving and sharing. He would be more selfless and as an adult would be able to act in greater good of all, rather than just being hung up on petty things in life.

Respect: Respect is something children greatly learn from adults. If you and your spouse TL-GoldFamilySign-1009respect each other and other members of the family, it will positively influence your child. Also, it is important to respect your child, so that in future, he learns to respect his subordinates and other people who are not his equals.

Understanding: I see a lot of people around me holding grudges and keeping tempers. They know at the back of their mind and in the depths of their heart that the other person had a reason for doing what they did. Yet, they let their anger take over. Understanding is the key to a happy mind and a caring heart. If you are ready to understand and accept people and circumstances for what they are, you can gain control over it. Understand that people are doing their best, and instead of questioning it, try to find out ways to help them out.

Patience: Patience is a virtue that can be instilled in children. Patience teaches children the value of delaying gratification, a skill necessary for maturity. Patience can help develop the ability to think through and resolve problems; it can counteract impulstivity and acting out behaviors. The value of patience lies in its ability to lead to inner calm and emotional strength of character. Teaching patience by example helps children learn resilience, self-containment, and the ability to self-soothe. These are qualities needed for emotional maturity.

thumbnail.aspxManners: As soon as your children are able to talk, they can be taught proper manners. Teach the Magic words…Teach your kids the value of words like “please,” “thank you,” “excuse me,” “you’re welcome,” and “I’m sorry.” Explain when to use these words, and why it’s important to do so.

 

 

The poet, Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Keep this quote close to your heart why you are teaching your family these values.

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Last let’s talk about Core Values……What are core values? Values are qualities that define your existence. They are the cornerstones around which life revolves. Values give a framework to your life. They give you things which you believe in and follow for the rest of your life.

Core values are values which you ought to internalize and follow for the rest of your life, for they stand for what you believe in. What are the common core values? Integrity, honesty, hard work, self-belief… the list could go on and on. But certainly, core values are those which are existence-defining and make you the person you are. Our personal values are mostly formed in our childhood and are greatly influenced by our parents and teachers. It is only in our childhood that we learn through our elders and also through observation of things around us about what is right and what is wrong. Later when we grow a bit older, perhaps when we are in our teens, our friends too have a great influence on our core values and beliefs. At that particular time in our lives, our old values formed from childhood might even get replaced by some new ones. Are you teaching these in your home?

Among the better core values is integrity. What does integrity stand for? Integrity means keeping one’s morality intact. A person who believes in being morally correct is said to have integrity.

So what does a person with integrity do? Is it about helping an old lady cross the road? Is it the voice of conscience which stops him before he picks up something that is not his? Is it about respecting his elders and taking care of those younger to him?

Integrity is being passionate about what you do. Integrity is being passionate about what you believe in. It is about being morally correct in all your endeavors. It is about following the rest of your core values and not wavering in doing so. It is about following what you believe in, which is morally correct.

Family 2I think an easy way to teach in our homes is to focus on one value each month. It can be anything from character building to goal setting. The important thing is that your children have the opportunity to tell you what they think of it. By doing this your children will feel like they are part of the process and will appreciate your willingness to hear different perspectives. Teaching values to our children starts with our own values. First we need to understand what our values are. If we lack certain values or are unhappy with a current value then now is the time to change. Then set some time aside each month where you can meet with your children and discuss a different value each month with them.
WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR

by Carleton Kendrick

What does your family stand for? I don’t mean whether you vote Republican or Democrat. I’m asking about what character traits define who your family is. What virtues do you embrace? What principles guide your behavior? Do your children know — and more importantly see in action — what you feel about integrity, compassion, tolerance, IC-Core-Values-Projectequality, and forgiveness? When asked to describe your family, would your children mention proudly that you stood for honesty, courage, and faith? Your children need to know the reasons behind what you stand for. Your family of origin’s of values? Life-changing events in your past? Your religious beliefs? They also need to know what you won’t stand for and why, like racism and bigotry.

Before you engage your children in a discussion of what your family stands for, you might ask them what they think are your family’s most important beliefs and values. How have they come to those conclusions? What have they observed in your actions and in what ways have they lived their lives to prove what you all stand for? Their answers will give you a child-centered focus to begin your talk.

Simply listing the character traits of your family — “We stand for honesty, empathy, and tolerance” — isn’t enough. Here are some examples of what your family might stand for, and some questions that will deepen your discussion.

Empathy

  • What do you think this Native American proverb means: “You can’t understand another person until you walk a few miles in their moccasins”?
  • What’s the difference between pity and empathy? Give family members an opportunity to think about another person’s feelings. For example, what do they think Grandma is feeling now that she has had to move into a nursing home? What is she most worried about? What would make her most happy? Or, have them consider how volunteering at a food pantry teaches empathy.

il_fullxfull.230961908Loyalty

  • Can you strongly disagree about something with your parents or your friends and still be loyal to them?
  • Would it be disloyal to tell a friend’s parents that she has a problem with stealing? Should a loyal friend ever say anything that could get his friend in trouble?
  • Do you have to obey everything your coach tells you to do in order to be a loyal team member?

Courage

    • Does having courage mean that you’ll try anything?
    • What’s the best example of courage that you’ve personally seen, heard, and read about?
    • When have you had to show the most courage?


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Following these simple steps can help you teach your child your family values, leading mostly by example and modeling. Children often respond more effectively to lessons delivered in this way as opposed to messages delivered in long discussions. The key to success with modeling is in being consistent and positive. Even if your child seems to stray from your family values, your consistency and positive manner will increase the likelihood that he will return to your values in the future.

A great place to teach children about Values…….Turn the Page.

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The Fine Print

This policy is valid from 19 February 2010

This blog is a personal blog written and edited by us. For questions about this blog, please contact Dennis and Barbara Harnsberger at ourfamily2yours.com.

This blog abides by word of mouth marketing standards. We believe in honesty of relationship, opinion and identity. The compensation received may influence the advertising content, topics or posts made in this blog. That content, advertising space or post will be clearly identified as paid or sponsored content.

The owner(s) of this blog is compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. Even though the owner(s) of this blog receives compensation for our posts or advertisements, we always give our honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics or products. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers’ own. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question.

This blog does not contain any content which might present a conflict of interest.

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How To Tame A Temper Tantrum

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It’s a familiar scene: You’re standing in line at the grocery store, almost finished checking out. For the fourth time in a row, your child asks for a piece of candy strategically placed at kids’ eye-level in the checkout line. You’ve repeatedly said no, when suddenly, the tantrum starts.

His legs and arms flail, and then he lets go with an ear-piercing scream and begins hitting the floor. Meanwhile, between muffled apologies and frantic bagging, you attempt to get as far away from the tantrum-childstore as possible.

Take a breath.  I am not recommending ‘giving in’ to your child’s screaming demands for candy! You will be doing him a disservice, even if you think you are solving the immediate problem. Children need parental control. They need parental control to feel safe and secure, to know that their parents are not going to allow behaviors that harm them, even from themselves.

strong>Why do children have such loud and embarrassing temper tantrums? And what can you as a parent do to help make them stop?

One important fact to recognize is that we all have temper tantrums occasionally. Think back to the last time you felt frustrated trying to get your printer to work. You may have thrown something, yelled out loud, or even sworn at it.

This is basically an adult tantrum. The screaming, crying, and hitting that your young child shows is their version of a tantrum.  Kids are no different than us; they get frustrated and angry too

A temper tantrum is a sudden, unplanned display of anger. It is not just an act to get attention. During a temper tantrum, children often cry, yell, and swing their arms and legs. Temper tantrums usually last 30 seconds to 2 minutes and are most intense at the start.

 

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Why Temper Tantrums Occur:
“Prior to one year, a child is not physically capable–nor does she have the intention–of throwing a tantrum,” says childcare manager Beth Urquhart. But around 12 to 18 months, parents will start to notice a difference between distressed crying and a temper tantrum.

At this age “acting out” isn’t about getting attention. Early temper tantrums are an emotional outburst that occurs when a child becomes frustrated. “Toddlers are trying to become independent and accomplish tasks and communicate on their own,” says Urquhart. “But they have limited language skills and this can be a frustrating time for them.” Acting out is their way of expressing their frustration.

Temper tantrums are also a way for kids to communicate and express confusion, anger, and even sadness. A parent temper-tantrumshould first find out if a temper tantrum is a temper tantrum or if it is a more serious issue that is surfacing. Young children between the ages of 2-6 often times use temper tantrums to tell their parents that something is wrong. Kids 7 and up usually only use temper tantrums as a way of getting attention. Now, the reasons may vary as to why the temper tantrum is used depending on the child and the situation but one thing needs to remain changeless… how you deal with it.

You can’t prevent all tantrums, but you can reduce the odds of your child having one if you follow these suggestions:

  • Make sure your child is well rested, especially before a busy day or before a lot of activity. Keep a daily routine as much as possible, so your child knows what to expect.
  • Avoid long outings or keeping a child out late beyond her bedtime. If you have a trip, bring along your child’s favorite books or toys for entertainment.
  • Encourage your child to use his words to describe feelings.
  • Let your child make choices when possible. If your child resists taking a bath, you can be firm about the bath, but you might ask which toys he would like to pick to bring in the bath.
  • Allow transition time when changing activities. If your child is having fun, he will need some time to switch gears when he must change to another activity. For example, if he’s playing as dinnertime approaches, give him a five-minute notice that you will be eating soon.

thumbnail.aspxPay attention to what situations push your child’s buttons and plan accordingly. If he falls apart when he’s hungry, carry snacks with you. If he has trouble making a transition from one activity to the next, give him a gentle heads-up before a change. Alerting him to the fact that you’re about to leave the playground or sit down to dinner (“We’re going to eat when you and Daddy are done with your story”) gives him a chance to adjust instead of react.

Your toddler is grappling with independence, so offer him choices whenever possible. No one likes being told what to do all the time. Saying, “Would you like corn or carrots?” rather than “Eat your corn!” will give him a sense of control. Monitor how often you’re saying “no.” If you find you’re rattling it off routinely, you’re probably putting unnecessary stress on both of you. Try to ease up and choose your battles. Would it really wreck your schedule to spend an extra five minutes at the playground? And does anybody really care if your tike wears mismatched mittens?

When you go out pack your purse.   Toss in a few crackers, a piece of cheese, even occasionally, one of those hideously bright colored plastic toys from the kid’s meal at the local fast food restaurant, a few wet wipes in sealed packets for wiping messes off that sweet face, and patience. Always pack patience! Don’t think of the treats as bribes, think of them as rewards for expected behaviors. Think of them as inducement for continued good behavior, because your child certainly will. Be sure, when doling out the treats, to casually mention the reason, “Daddy really likes going places with you, Joshua, when you act like such a big boy and are so fun to be with!” or “Joshua! Thank you for behaving so well! You are great!” and eventually, (sometimes, not even all that long) Joshua will become accustomed to self-control and the confidence it brings.

And, the most important tip:

Never overreact or lose your temper yourself! Not only does losing your own temper give your child temper_tantrumthe concrete proof that temper tantrums work, but it totally destroys your parental credibility! Also losing your temper during a child’s temper tantrum does nothing positive, creates MORE emotional damage and wears you out! You may not realize it, but if your child is able to push your buttons and get a reaction out of you with his temper tantrums, then he will realize that his method works. A vicious cycle begins as he tantrums and you give in over and over. Worse is when you’re trying with all your might to resist and your child pulls out the big guns by doing something that he knows has gotten attention in the past.

Kids may be especially vulnerable after a tantrum when they know they’ve been less than adorable. Now is the time for a hug and reassurance that your child is loved, no matter what.

“It sounds crazy, but when my daughter’s 4-year-old throws a tantrum, she stops what she is doing  and  gives her big hugs. It works almost every time — if she can control her own temper and anger to remember to give her a big squeeze. she says  it makes her feel safe and reminds her about how much she loves her. Normally, after a big hug, then they  can talk more rationally and address what started the tantrum in the first place.”

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Thing To Remember

  • tantrum_picDon’t frequently rely on providing a distraction for a young child. Teach the child not to throw tantrums, and he will more quickly develop other coping mechanisms.
  • Don’t cave in just to avoid embarrassment, which also teaches the child to perform for a crowd. Although parents feel as though all eyes are on them, when their child acts up in public, the reality is most onlookers are saying, “Go for it,” when they see parents setting reasonable limits for their child.
  • Never surrender to your child’s temper tantrums at home. Learn to handle them at home, and you will have fewer occasions to be embarrassed in a public place.
  • Never hit a child, or become physically or emotionally violent in response to a tantrum. Children need a comforting presence to help them exit tantrums, and violence produces exactly the opposite effect. Most importantly, becoming violent will teach a child violence is an appropriate response to stress.
  • If your child begins hitting or causing damage during the tantrum, simply pick the child up in a firm, non-violent manner and place the child in their room. If the language capabilities are up to it, let the child know they can rejoin the family when they have decided to talk things out instead of throwing the tantrum. Don’t tell the child to “be quiet”, or “calm down” as this just represses emotion and causes unexpressed anger to build up over time. Simply separate them from others, in a safe environment, until they have decided to handle things rationally.
  • Tantrums typically appear at age 2 or 3 and start to decline by 4.Twenty-three to 83 percent of all 2- to 4-year-olds have occasional temper tantrums.
  • Make sure your child isn’t acting up simply because he or she isn’t getting enough attention. To a child, negative attention (a parent’s response to a tantrum) is better than no attention at all. Try to establish a habit of catching your child being good (“time in”), which means rewarding your little one with attention and praise for positive behavior. This will teach them that acting appropriately makes mommy and daddy happy and proud, and they’ll be anxious to do it again and again.
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    When to Call the Doctor

    You should consult your doctor if:

    • You have questions about what you’re doing or what your child is doing.20CD7630C298FE0A9A15E0CD564FB2A3
    • You’re uncomfortable with your responses.
    • You keep giving in.
    • The tantrums arouse a lot of bad feelings.
    • The tantrums increase in frequency, intensity, or duration.
    • Your child frequently hurts himself or herself or others.
    • Your child is destructive.
    • Your child displays mood disorders such as negativity, low self-esteem  or extreme dependence.

    Your doctor can also check for any physical problems that may be contributing to the tantrums, although this is not common. These include hearing or vision problems, a chronic illness, language delays, or a learning disability.

    Remember, tantrums usually aren’t cause for concern and generally diminish on their own. As kids mature developmentally and their grasp of themselves and the world increases, their frustration levels decrease. Less frustration and more control mean fewer tantrums — and happier parents.

 

 

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The Fine Print

 

This policy is valid from 19 February 2010
This blog is a personal blog written and edited by us. For questions about this blog, please contact  Dennis and Barbara Harnsberger at ourfamily2yours.com.

This blog abides by word of mouth marketing standards. We believe in honesty of relationship, opinion and identity. The compensation received may influence the advertising content, topics or posts made in this blog. That content, advertising space or post will be clearly identified as paid or sponsored content.

The owner(s) of this blog is compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. Even though the owner(s) of this blog receives compensation for our posts or advertisements, we always give our honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics or products. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers’ own. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question.

This blog does not contain any content which might present a conflict of interest.
To get your own policy, go to http://www.disclosurepolicy.org