What Values Have You Taught Your Children?

Defiant Child Behavior problems

The term “family values” to many is practiced by the loving and caring of those we call core_values_01“family.” We love them, we protect them, and we breathe easy in the comfort of knowing that they would do the same for us. That is what children need to see and at that point, a value system is born. Teaching your children values will help them make good choices in their lives.

Parents have a difficult task when trying to successfully teach their kids values. When a newspaper columnist was asked to name the biggest obstacle parents face in training children, he responded: “Themselves.”

TEACHING KIDS VALUES REQUIRES A GOOD PARENTAL EXAMPLE

Parents who do not practice what they preach are working against their own interests and those of their children

Today’s world is ever changing and very fast paced. In years past children grew up in a small community or with just their families and their challenges were much different. As a parent your influence over your children has been diminished and so you need to try extra hard to instill good values in them.

What are your values? Teaching values to our children must start with our selves. This is a very critical step and only you can determine what your values are. You naturally want your children to have integrity and a good character but what other values should we teach them? Let’s talk about some…..

Love: The first of the most important values in life I believe is love. It is an important personal value to open your mind to the concept of love. I don’t mean this in a fairy tale kind of way. That is not the only kind of love. The way in which you love your family, and friends, you can love everybody. Love is the bringer of compassion. Once, we are led by compassion, we see the best in others, while they see the best in us. We can have more faith in the world. This will help us to refrain from being suspicious, keeping us more at ease.

Honesty: It is another important value to have. Honesty does not only mean telling your parents when you goofed up. Or admitting to your partner that you made a big mistake. Honesty is admitting to yourself that you are not perfect. It means avoiding to make a mistake. An honest person will try his best to not goof up, but if he does, he will not only admit it, but will willingly accept the consequences. All the other values that are mentioned need to be accepted and followed with honesty. That is the only way in which they will affect your life for the better.

Courage: Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard, even when it means being called a “chicken” by others. A person with courage dares to attempt difficult things that are good. He has the strength of a leader and ability not to follow the crowd, to say no and mean it and influence others by it. He is true to conviction and follows good impulses even when they are unpopular or inconvenient.

Sharing: Teach your child to share what he has with those around. The value of sharing instilled earlier on in childhood will help him experience the joy of giving and sharing. He would be more selfless and as an adult would be able to act in greater good of all, rather than just being hung up on petty things in life.

Respect: Respect is something children greatly learn from adults. If you and your spouse TL-GoldFamilySign-1009respect each other and other members of the family, it will positively influence your child. Also, it is important to respect your child, so that in future, he learns to respect his subordinates and other people who are not his equals.

Understanding: I see a lot of people around me holding grudges and keeping tempers. They know at the back of their mind and in the depths of their heart that the other person had a reason for doing what they did. Yet, they let their anger take over. Understanding is the key to a happy mind and a caring heart. If you are ready to understand and accept people and circumstances for what they are, you can gain control over it. Understand that people are doing their best, and instead of questioning it, try to find out ways to help them out.

Patience: Patience is a virtue that can be instilled in children. Patience teaches children the value of delaying gratification, a skill necessary for maturity. Patience can help develop the ability to think through and resolve problems; it can counteract impulstivity and acting out behaviors. The value of patience lies in its ability to lead to inner calm and emotional strength of character. Teaching patience by example helps children learn resilience, self-containment, and the ability to self-soothe. These are qualities needed for emotional maturity.

thumbnail.aspxManners: As soon as your children are able to talk, they can be taught proper manners. Teach the Magic words…Teach your kids the value of words like “please,” “thank you,” “excuse me,” “you’re welcome,” and “I’m sorry.” Explain when to use these words, and why it’s important to do so.

 

 

The poet, Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Keep this quote close to your heart why you are teaching your family these values.

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Last let’s talk about Core Values……What are core values? Values are qualities that define your existence. They are the cornerstones around which life revolves. Values give a framework to your life. They give you things which you believe in and follow for the rest of your life.

Core values are values which you ought to internalize and follow for the rest of your life, for they stand for what you believe in. What are the common core values? Integrity, honesty, hard work, self-belief… the list could go on and on. But certainly, core values are those which are existence-defining and make you the person you are. Our personal values are mostly formed in our childhood and are greatly influenced by our parents and teachers. It is only in our childhood that we learn through our elders and also through observation of things around us about what is right and what is wrong. Later when we grow a bit older, perhaps when we are in our teens, our friends too have a great influence on our core values and beliefs. At that particular time in our lives, our old values formed from childhood might even get replaced by some new ones. Are you teaching these in your home?

Among the better core values is integrity. What does integrity stand for? Integrity means keeping one’s morality intact. A person who believes in being morally correct is said to have integrity.

So what does a person with integrity do? Is it about helping an old lady cross the road? Is it the voice of conscience which stops him before he picks up something that is not his? Is it about respecting his elders and taking care of those younger to him?

Integrity is being passionate about what you do. Integrity is being passionate about what you believe in. It is about being morally correct in all your endeavors. It is about following the rest of your core values and not wavering in doing so. It is about following what you believe in, which is morally correct.

Family 2I think an easy way to teach in our homes is to focus on one value each month. It can be anything from character building to goal setting. The important thing is that your children have the opportunity to tell you what they think of it. By doing this your children will feel like they are part of the process and will appreciate your willingness to hear different perspectives. Teaching values to our children starts with our own values. First we need to understand what our values are. If we lack certain values or are unhappy with a current value then now is the time to change. Then set some time aside each month where you can meet with your children and discuss a different value each month with them.
WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR

by Carleton Kendrick

What does your family stand for? I don’t mean whether you vote Republican or Democrat. I’m asking about what character traits define who your family is. What virtues do you embrace? What principles guide your behavior? Do your children know — and more importantly see in action — what you feel about integrity, compassion, tolerance, IC-Core-Values-Projectequality, and forgiveness? When asked to describe your family, would your children mention proudly that you stood for honesty, courage, and faith? Your children need to know the reasons behind what you stand for. Your family of origin’s of values? Life-changing events in your past? Your religious beliefs? They also need to know what you won’t stand for and why, like racism and bigotry.

Before you engage your children in a discussion of what your family stands for, you might ask them what they think are your family’s most important beliefs and values. How have they come to those conclusions? What have they observed in your actions and in what ways have they lived their lives to prove what you all stand for? Their answers will give you a child-centered focus to begin your talk.

Simply listing the character traits of your family — “We stand for honesty, empathy, and tolerance” — isn’t enough. Here are some examples of what your family might stand for, and some questions that will deepen your discussion.

Empathy

  • What do you think this Native American proverb means: “You can’t understand another person until you walk a few miles in their moccasins”?
  • What’s the difference between pity and empathy? Give family members an opportunity to think about another person’s feelings. For example, what do they think Grandma is feeling now that she has had to move into a nursing home? What is she most worried about? What would make her most happy? Or, have them consider how volunteering at a food pantry teaches empathy.

il_fullxfull.230961908Loyalty

  • Can you strongly disagree about something with your parents or your friends and still be loyal to them?
  • Would it be disloyal to tell a friend’s parents that she has a problem with stealing? Should a loyal friend ever say anything that could get his friend in trouble?
  • Do you have to obey everything your coach tells you to do in order to be a loyal team member?

Courage

    • Does having courage mean that you’ll try anything?
    • What’s the best example of courage that you’ve personally seen, heard, and read about?
    • When have you had to show the most courage?


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Following these simple steps can help you teach your child your family values, leading mostly by example and modeling. Children often respond more effectively to lessons delivered in this way as opposed to messages delivered in long discussions. The key to success with modeling is in being consistent and positive. Even if your child seems to stray from your family values, your consistency and positive manner will increase the likelihood that he will return to your values in the future.

A great place to teach children about Values…….Turn the Page.

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Lessons about Respect

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Respect is an amazing thing! I believe that respect is something that you have to  earn, but I also believe girlmisbehaved-200x300that in order to be respected you have to show respect to others. If you take a look at our youth of today you can’t help but notice that they are the most disrespectful group of children this world has ever seen. Before you start pointing fingers or offering up excuses as to why children are this way I want you to stop and look in the mirror. What are you doing to teach your child/children respect?

Respect is something we all desire, and therefore something we all must give. Growing up, I was taught about respect as a way to regard other people. It didn’t have much to do with me. I was respectful because I was taught I had to be, not because I realized that all of life is interconnected.

 

Respect is mutual care and regard, dignity, and physical and emotional safety-a state in which everyone counts, and everyone counts upon everyone else

Teaching respectful behaviour early in a child’s life will become a domino effect later. An instant recognition of what is acceptable in life and what is not.

never-give-people-permission-to-disrespect-youThe old ditto of do what I say, yet do not do what I do, does not teach respect. Every child should be taught; there are consequences for certain types of behaviour in the world today.

Respect starts in the home, simply by learning the basics. Teach them to say excuse me when interrupting you in conversation with another. This will teach them respect for you and also teaches them patience.

Eventually they need to learn respect for their and your belongings, for in later years a child must learn to respect the law, or face the consequences.

“Respect is believing in the worth of others. Respect means treating others as you
want to be treated.” “Believing in the worth of others”: respect is first of all a way of thinking and
feeling about others and about ourselves; it is the feeling of value and care we have for people,
places, and things. This attitude is then linked to behavior-to how we “treat” ourselves and
others, to how we speak and what we do.

There are Certain words that  seem to come up whenever we talk about respect: care, attention, consideration,
courtesy, responsiveness, responsibility, value, worth, integrity, inclusiveness, empathy, and
compassion.

imagesRespect can mean different things to different people. But basically, respect means to show regard or consideration for someone or something. It is critical for our children to understand the importance of respect, so that they can communicate effectively with others throughout their lives. It is important to distinguish between respect and obedience. A child may obey you simply because he is afraid of you. However, when a child understands that your rules and disciplinary actions are ultimately for his own good, he will obey you because he respects you.

Equally important, self-respect means to hold proper esteem or regard for the dignity of one’s character. The virtue of self-respect allows children to feel good about themselves and will help them to achieve their goals.

 

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Everyone needs respect. In a world where the current mantra seems to be “it’s all about me” there seems to be a loss of respect in many different areas-loss of self-respect, respect for property, and respect for others. If this is the situation from an adult perspective, then how do we teach children to have an attitude of respect?

Here are six distinct truths that we must understand about respect. One we understand the truth about what respect is, it naturally grows into being.

1) It is only by kind words we discover as children kind words are returned.fen-handling-disrespect

2) It is by having our own needs met as children we grow into understanding others also have needs.

3) It is by someone’s interest in how we feel that causes them enough curiosity to actually want to know that prompts them to ask us how we feel. Children naturally want to share how they feel. We as parents must ask our children how they are feeling.

4) Respect is an inside production line at work. The actual amount of respect someone has growing within them can not be limited by today. Children grow feet larger then their shoes, stomachs bigger than their eyes and the potential to respect others, even when we cannot see it with our own eyes.

5) Genuine respect is never grown by authority. There is a huge difference between a slavery to respect and a person who is wiling to respect. What happens is the one governed will break free, rebel, and rise against the control thrust upon them. Growing up in a Mennonite home I acted as I should and was expected to act. Genuine respect does not arrive as a well learned script. It arrives naturally because of ones willingness to respect

6) Respect is a two way street not a one way street. I have witnessed insincere respect before and it intrigues me watching even a child mimic its parent in gossiping. A child watches and listens even when we do not notice.

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Here are a few things that you can do to infuse respectful attitude in your children:

Teach them. When they are relatively young, say between 3 to 9 years, respect can be taught to them. Show the-cycle-of-Respectthem the importance and power of family bonding, tell them how to behave with all elders and what words of etiquettes to use. Values learned  in these tender years will affect them much deeply than those you preach in later.

Have expectations. Tell and show them through your behavior that respect is a natural expectation from them. They should feel responsible for their behavior towards you.

Encourage them. When they do show respect, praise them and make them feel proud of it. Such acknowledgement will encourage them to take their own decisions, rather than follow their peers.

Reward Them! Why not? If you are happy with your child’s behavior, reward him or her! But be careful not to go overboard, so as to embarrass them. This is a little tricky age, where you need to understand what makes your gesture a welcomed one and what makes it ‘interference’.

Most of the schools across America have been implementing what they call “character education.” While this is a good approach to teaching children different good character traits, I believe the teaching of these begins and home and continues long after the curriculum has been taught. The character education curriculum is comprised teaching children many different aspects of character-trustworthiness, responsibility, fairness, and respect just to name a few. In the teaching manual on respect, they list six components:

    • Treat other people the way you want to be treated.
    • Be courteous and polite.
    • Listen to what other people have to say.
    • Don’t insult people, or make fun of them, or call them names.
    • Don’t bully or pick on others.
    • Don’t judge people before you get to know them.
    • Practice the Golden Rule
    • Practice saying please and thank you and excuse me
    • Make a point of not teasing and encourage your friends not to

We as parents must teach from home.  A child is taught respect in schools, but they experience it in the disrespect-argumenthouse. So respect everyone in you house and then they will also respect all. A child reflects your personality. Whatever they do, they say and they behave is influenced by your behavior, your action and your words and the environment that you create for them. So create an environment of discipline and respect, and they will learn and implement it. Children constantly observe people around them and try to imitate them and it’s mostly you and your family around them, so they imitate you. Explain them that people elder than him should be respected, so he will implement the same.

 You, as the parents, have the responsibility of teaching your children, and the best teaching tool ever devised is personal experience. If you want your children to respect you, show respect to your children, but also to your spouse. That way, all the family benefits. You and your spouse benefit, because the respect you show to each other helps strengthen your marriage; your children benefit because they learn respect through watching you-and they learn to show respect to those they love.

350624103_respect_xlargeSet Goals for Yourself…….

RESPECT FOR YOURSELF

RESPECT FOR YOUR FAMILY

RESPECT FOR YOUR TEACHER

RESPECT FOR OTHER PEOPLE

RESPECT FOR PROPERTY

RESPECT FOR RULES

RESPECT FOR DIFFERENCES

 

 

 

 

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Aretha Franklin’s song is a good one that we all should remember however old we are!  This a way for your child to learn respect:

R-Respect yourself
E
-Everybody deserves respect and kindness.
S
-Socio-economic status has no bearing on whether someone should be respected.
P
-Property. Respect other people’s property by not abusing or damaging it.
E
-Environment. Respect the environment by not littering, conserving, and recycling.
C
-Cultural differences should be embraced, not criticized.
T
-Things. Respect the tangible and intangible things that are yours as well as others. Respect the wants and wishes of others. Respect other people’s opinions.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T-not a hard word to spell, actually and not a hard word to implement either.

Bottom line, it is our job as parents to ensure that we raise our kids to become respectful adults. Society – and our children – will thank you for it!

Now enjoy being a parent and have the respect of your child: it’s really not hard to accomplish, but you need to start today, not put it off until tomorrow.



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