Bullying Hurts!

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Did You Know…
The word “bully” used to mean the total opposite of what it means now? Five-hundred years ago, it meant friend, family member, or sweetheart. The root of the word comes from the Dutch boel, meaning lover or brother. Big change!

” A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself.”

Many parents assume that a few scuffles with other kids are par for the course during childhood, and that dealing with a bully or two builds character, especially if a son or daughter learns to stand up to the offender (with or without a punch or two being thrown in the process).

portrait of a boy (8-10) sitting on steps with people climbing down around him

In everyday life, bullying is abusive, ugly and disturbingly common, with profound and sometimes lethal consequences, to be specific, bullying involves ongoing aggressive behavior intended to cause harm or distress in a relationship where there is an imbalance of power, physical or otherwise.

Bullying is literally “as old as sin” and can occur at any stage of life, but it is particularly common — and destructive — during childhood and adolescence. .

Then school begins and you thought the day you first enrolled your child in school, you thought you had been preparing   yourself for a wide range of challenges, from academic struggles to lunchroom dramas to the aftermath of that first romantic entanglement.  But bullying?  That one was one you do not plan on.

Bullying covers a wide range of activities. It can be the act of pushing, shoving and other physical activity, or it can be verbal threats or something as simple as being made fun of because a child wears glasses, looks different, acts different or gets either good or poor grades.

Bullying is anything that takes the fun out of a child’s life or makes him feel depressed or alone. It can turn a simple event such as riding a school bus to school, going to a locker, entering the bathroom, or playing in the schoolyard frightening and scary.


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Are You a Bully? Take this quiz from Girl’s Health and learn if your actions are the actions of a bully.

According to the National Centre Against Bullying, there are five different kinds of bullying behavior. They are:

1. Physical bullying: when physical actions such as hitting, poking, tripping or pushing, are used to hurt and intimidate. Repeatedly and intentionally damaging someone’s belongings is also physical bullying, says the center.

2. Verbal bullying: involves the use of negative words, like name calling, insults, homophobic or racist slurs, or words used to intentionally upset someone.


3. Social bullying: when lies, the spreading of rumors or nasty pranks are used. This includes repeated mimicking and deliberate exclusion.

4. Psychological bullying: involves the repeated and intentional use of words or actions which can cause psychological harm. Examples include intimidation, manipulation and stalking.

5. Cyber bullying: this is the big one at the moment and is when technology is used to verbally, socially or psychologically bully. It can occur in chat rooms, on social networking sites, through emails or on mobile phones.



Parents need to be aware of the warning signs when their children may be experiencing depression, severe anxiety, or PTSD due to bullying. The following is a list of red flags to look for……

  • Is your child disconnecting from people and isolating him/herself in their room? Although teens usually separate from the family, they normally connect more often with their friends.
  • Has your child developed physical problems such as stomachaches and headaches that interfere with their life?
  • Has your child’s schoolwork recently suffered, and is it difficult for your child to concentrate?
  • Does your child have trouble falling, or staying asleep or experience frequent nightmares?
  • Does your child seem listless, unenthusiastic, and disinterested in life?
  • Have you noticed that your child seems hypervigilant, extremely nervous, depressed, or emotionally explosive (beyond the normal teenage anger and moodiness).

Bullies generally set their sights on:

  • Anyone who’s different – whether that is their looks, weight, accent, clothing or interests. Disabilities make some children an easy target.
  • Those who are small or young – and not so able to defend themselves
  • Those who will react quickly – popular targets are children who get upset or cry easily
  • Kids who are not sporty or are poor performers at school
  • Anyone who is socially anxious or struggles with shyness



It is important for parents to discuss the facts on bullying with their children to help teach them how to watch out for bullying and to avoid being bullied.

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Eric E. Rofes tells the following story of being bullied.  When I was a young boy, the bully called me names, stole my bicycle, and forced me off the playground. He made fun of me in front of other children, forced me to turn over my lunch money each day, and threatened to give me a blackeye if I told any adult authority figures. 

At different times I was subject to a wide range of degradation and abuse–de-pantsing , spit in my face, and forced to eat the playground dirt….to this day, their handprints, like a slap  on the face, remains stark and defined on my soul.

“Often bullying is described as a school thing. But it happens more than just at school.”It affects people on buses, in the street, at work and at youth clubs. It can affect relationships between cousins and siblings and it can strike at any stage.”

Kids can help keep other kids from being bullied. If you are a kid, don’t let yourself be part of the problem.

  • Speak up when you see someone else being picked on. It can help to say something like, “Cut it out. That’s not funny.” If this is too hard or scary to do, walk away and tell an adult.
  • If someone sends you a mean e-mail about another person, don’t forward it to others. Print it out and show it to an adult


Bullying Statistics
1 out of 4 kids is Bullied.
• 1 out of 5 kids admits to being a bully, or doing some “Bullying.”

• 8% of students miss 1 day of class per month for fear of Bullies.
• 43% fear harassment in the school bathroom.
• Playground statistics – Every 7 minutes a child is bullied.

Cyber Bullying Statistics
• 42% of kids have been bullied while online. 1 in 4 have had it happen more than once.
• 35% of kids have been threatened online. Nearly 1 in 5 have had it happen more than once.
• 21% of kids have received mean or threatening e-mail or other messages.
• 58% of kids admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online.
• 53% of kids admit having said something mean or hurtful to another person online.

Please be proactive about bullying in school and learn what the signs of bullying at school are and how to defend your children.


I wanted to share a story about a boy who has done a lot for bullying.

(CBS) Jaylen Arnold knows how it feels to be different. He’s had Tourette’s Syndrome for most of his nine years. As CBS News correspondent Kelly Cobiella reports, it makes his body twitch even though his brain is telling it to be still.

Most times Jaylen can handle it. Last February Jaylen’s twitches got worse, much worse.

It started when the kids at a new school began to bully him.

“What did they say,” Cobiella asked Jaylen.

“You’re a weird kid,” he said. “You should just go back to where you came from.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Really sad, like real sad.”

But Jaylen did not run and hide.

“He made a Web site called Jaylen’s Challenge.org. It’s about stopping bullying and so far it’s working,” he said.


Jaylen’s father, Harold Arnold said, “The emails started coming in by the hundreds, and probably thousands and I said ‘this thing is taking off.'”

In fact, so many people were inspired by Jaylen’s story, that schools across the country wanted him to talk to their students and teachers too.

Jaylen’s advice for bullies? “Sit down and stop bullying,” he said.

And before long, he caught the eye of Hollywood and actor Dash Mihok.

“I saw this kid with Tourette’s and this beautiful, sweet, loving soul who was being absolutely incredibly brave and it really touched me,” Mihok said.

He was so touched that he flew out to meet Jaylen and lent his own star power to Jaylen’s cause.

Dash knows how hard life can be for Jaylen – because he’s been through it. Dash grew up with Tourette’s too.

“To have someone inspire you to be who you are and be unapologetic about it,” Mihok said. “It’s beautiful.”

In the seven months since Jaylen launched his Web site he’s given out more than 4,000 wristbands that say “bullying no way,” to students and even a few stars – including Leonardo DiCaprio.

Jaylen said his big dream is to “Stop Bullying Forever.”

“Most Beautiful Way To Stop a Bully.”


Make October 4th The Day That Bullying and Cyberbullying Prevention is Heard Around the World By Wearing a Blue Shirt In Solidarity To STOMP Out Bullying.

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Remember if you are being bullied…..

  • Walk away from the bully. Bullies want to know they have control over your emotions so don’t react with anger or retaliate with physical force. If you walk away, ignore them, or calmly and assertively tell them you’re not interested in what they have to say, you’re demonstrating that they don’t have control over you.
  • Protect yourself. If you can’t walk away and are being physically hurt, protect yourself so you can get away. Your safety is the first priority.
  • Report the bullying to a trusted adult. If you don’t report threats and assaults, a bully will often become more and more aggressive. In many cases adults can find ways to help with the problem without letting the bully know it was you who reported them.
  • Repeat as necessary. Like the bully, you may have to be relentless. Report each and every bullying incident until it stops. There is no reason for you to ever put up with bullying.

Bullying Hurts

The facts on bullying also provide information on what types of signs to look for in children who might be bullying others.

  • Becomes frequently violent
  • Has trouble controlling anger
  • Is manipulative and controlling of others and situations
  • Is quick to blame others
  • Does not accept responsibility for their actions
  • Needs to win or be the best at everything


Stick and Stone…..(A Must Read About Bullying)

Understanding these warning signs can help parents prevent their children from becoming bullies or help them not become a victim of a bully. Counseling or therapy are good methods in helping to treat a child who exhibits symptoms of bullying.

Children who are victims may also need some kind of support or counseling to help resolve underlying issues of emotional feelings of inadequacy. Children who are confident and have higher self-esteem are less likely to fall prey to the attacks of bullying.

Telling is not tattling! When a kid or teen reports bullying they may be saving their own life or the life of a friend.

Bullying will likely always exist in some form or another, and parents will always need to be vigilant to help their children combat it. Verbal abuse is the most common form of bullying done around the world.

Without the threat of physical violence, it is important for parents to be supportive of their children so they know where to turn if they are bullied. Often, having someone at hand to simply talk to about bullying concerns is enough to help children ignore and overcome it.
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It only takes one person to stop a bully. It can make a profound difference to that person and can have a ripple effect if that person chooses to pay it forward.

Bullying just isn’t cool. But you aren’t powerless. There are lots of things you can do to get help for yourself, a friend, or a brother or sister.

The first step is getting information. These websites are designed just for kids like you. Have fun and click around, just make sure that you get your parents permission first.

If you are lashing out at someone because you are mad or upset, you need to get help. There are lots of resources that are available for you.

Check out these websites and also talk to an adult that you trust. Once a bully is not always a bully.

What Can Youth Do About Bullying? This article provides information on what you can do if you are being bullied, if you see someone being bullied, and if the bullying isn’t happening at school.

The Bully Roundup This game from BAM will challenge your bully smarts. There are even prizes.

What-Is-Cyberbullying-and-How-to-Stop-It Bullying can occur over the Internet on computers, cell phones, and even Facebook. This is called cyber bullying.

Sometimes people who are usually quiet or nice in person, feel more comfortable saying mean things on the Internet. Just like anyone can be a bully, anyone can be a cyber bully.

Have you ever heard of a person creating a fake Facebook or Myspace profile about someone in order to make fun of them.

This is only one example of cyber bullying. If you think you are a victim of cyber bullying or that you might be a cyber bully, talk to an adult that you trust.



Stand Up – Official Music Video for BULLY- Mike Tompkins…A Great Anti-Bullying Video.  


Take Care,



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